is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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