I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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