I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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