Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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