I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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