If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
