what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
