I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
