He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
