My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
