when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
