dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize