Everything about him screamed your future.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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