My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
