my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
