my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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