I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
