Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize