mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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