ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
