my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
