her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
