someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
