are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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