In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
