shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
