I would go down on you faster than GM stock
pop tarts are not kleenex
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
