i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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