So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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