i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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