This is not my ceiling
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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