in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
