I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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