So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize