She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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