WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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