The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
