Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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