i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
