He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
