Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize