you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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