sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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