I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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