i can't believe i had my finger in that
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
