we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
