How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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