maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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