I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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