if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
