and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
