Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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