so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
