im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
