u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
