i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
