He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
